as for senior year

I don't want to be negative but,

so far this year isn't looking too positive. I know it has only been three days but still I was expecting more out of those three days. I mean is it really too much to ask for class to begin on the first day? Or is it outrageous that I wasn't expecting to watch a movie for the first three days of calculus? I was part of a meritocracy in my AP Gov class, but that was really less than exciting. So far this year I've learned:

1. the juniors in my physics class are really really going to irritate me
2. my gov. teacher crushed her optical cavity when she while riding downhill on a bike
3. if too many people do well on an AP exam, the officials might come after you
4. number three really happened...at Garfield High School in L.A.
5. if you don't believe me you'll see the whole story in the movie Stand and Deliver
6. I don't in any way remember how to complete the square
7. completeing the square is aparently essential to both physics and calculus...just my luck
8. health class is secretly all about abstaining...from everything
9. those really pretty popular girls....yeah they're all pretty psyco
10. Unless of course pulling out your eyelashes is normal....

Basically, this year's starting out slowly.

I did take a pretest in English...I'm not as scared as I was.

We've also started speaking Spanish in that class, but who cares about Spanish anyways [sorry, it's just not my cup of tea].

I donated blood...

and now my arm really, really, really hurts :(

and I'm still light headed even though I donated around three o'clock yesterday :( :( :(

I want to go and take a nice long shower, but I'm really not sure that I could stand for that long. Sigh....oh well, I'm sure I'll feel better soon enough.

So right now...

I'm in the process of downloading Open Office. Supposedly it's a good alternative for those who can't afford the super expensive Microsoft Office. Let me tell you, it would be wonderful if this program is as wonderful as everyone says it is. Unfortunatley it takes forever to download....I've got an hour :(

I'm slightly terrified of my Lit class...

I went to open house at my lovely, little school and met all of my teachers (well most of them anyways). To explain why I'm so scared of this class that I've been deperately looking forward to taking I'll put you in the senario.

Slowly I walk into the classroom door.

I walk to the teacher and prepare to introduce myself.

Before I get a chance to say "Good afternoon,"

My teacher looks at me and says,

"I hear you just finished reading The Fountainhead,"

I'm taken aback. It's true that I have

recently finished reading Ayn Rand's more than lengthy novel but,

I'm wondering just exactly how she found that out.

Having finished the novel only a few days before, I had

yet to tell anyone that could have seen her.

Before I have time to completely collect my thoughts she says,

"By the way, congratulations on that four. This year you can get a five."

For anyone who doesn't know, the AP test scale is from 0-5.

I was fortunate enough to score a four on the Language and

Composition test (I'm a bit of an English nerd), however

now my Lit teacher is hoping for a five.

I've been marked as one of those crazy overacheivers.

Now I'm just a wee bit terrified of my Literature and Composition class because guess what! I'm really not an overacheiver. I'm dedicated to my studies, yes, but now I've got to put out ten times the effort I was expecting to exert, becasue apparently I've got potential. Sigh. Double sigh....deep breath in....Okay so it's not that bad. I'm simply afraid of failure.

>_<

This year should be an interesting one.

well...

So much for decisions.

I've retreated back to confusion. I'm totally undecided about college once again and I doubt I'll major in art like I really want to. I guess right now I'm looking at becoming an English major with an art minor. :/

I guess it's okay.

I mean at least I'll be able to become a teacher if I major in English, and I can always go back to finish my art degree. I can always do what I want after what's best. So...as of right now I've got more than a few college applications to fill out. *insert exhausted sigh here* I haven't even really started this whole college bit and I'm already sick of it. I'm sick and tired of the constant uncertainty. I've got so much to do to even be considered for some of the schools on my list. So much to do that I feel extremely overwhelmed. I feel like I'm never going to catch up.

Now it's time to figure it out.

To figure out where to go from here.

To decide what's best for me.

I've made a decision :D

I'm going to major in studio art.

It may not be the most profitable thing I could go to college for, but it's what I really want. I'm also probably going to major in English. It's quite a bit to take on but English and Art are my two passions and in either field I can pursue a career as a teacher. I'm not scared of the future, worst case senario I can go back for something like buissness or accounting, but right now I need to do what will make me happy. I have to at least try to acheive my dreams. I may fail and my hard work may be in vain, but I have to try to be the best person I can be in my own eyes. I have to feel comfortable with the future I'm creating for myself. I have to do this for myself.

I'm fairly sure I'm going to UALR

It's a small school. I could probably go somewhere more "prestigious" if I wanted, but that's the thing--I don't want to. I want to know my professors. I want to feel comfortable asking for help. I've grown up in a small school, I'm not ready to jump into a classroom of 500 plus students. Maybe when I go to grad school I'll dive into that world, but for now I'm pretty set on the University of Arkansas at Little Rock [go Trojans!].

Another plus, I won't have to beg this school to accept me. My GPA is more than good enough to get in and my ACT score can get me a $10,000 scholarship through the school. With that and the Arkansas Academic Challenge scholarship [$12,000], plus various others I should have no problem covering tuition [even with a double major].

Another Plus...

When I move to Little Rock I won't have to quit dancing. My dance teacher now is good friends with a spectacular dance teacher down there, and can get me into her classes no problem. It may not seem like much to most people, but I love dancing. It has become a vital part of who I am, and I'm so happy that I won't have to quit. :D

So....as for my Sr. Year

I'm looking at a pretty intense year.

I'm extremely excited though. Hopefully,

I'll be able to pass the AP tests I'll be taking

at the end of the year. That would help out with

college a lot. But even if I don't, just taking those classes

will be a big help in preparing me for what lies ahead. For

once I'm actually really looking forward to the future. I can make

it into anything I want it to be. I can create the life I want to live. :D

And in headlines today...

My Jefferybob left for AIT :(

...

....

okay so its not in headlines but still...

i miss him 

It's a really strange feeling knowing that

I won't get to see this guy I'm in love with

for eight weeks. Maybe not strange, maybe 

just a little depressing.

So.....

Senior Year.

AP Government/Politics

Spanish II

AP Literature and Composition

Physics

AP Calculus

Health/Teacher's Aid

Studio 2D/Studio 3D

It's exciting I guess.

I'm hoping some plans work out.

It would be really great if they did.

Right now I've got a good feeling they will.

Hopefully, I'm not just getting my hopes up for nothing.

I've got roughly a week to study for my driver's test.  Hopefully, I pass because having a license would be rather splendid. I think if I can make myself read that stupid book I'll be fine. It's just so damn boring. But on the brightside of things, since I'm over sixteen it'll only take thirty days to get my actually license.  No waiting six months bullshit. :D

It's been a while so...

Just thought I'd post a little something. 

My goal to start reading more...didn't work.

My goal to start drawing more...didn't work.

My goal to learn to cook...didn't work. 

:(

But that's okay because I've decided that today is a new start.

I WILL make something out of nothing, and

I will NOT let the little things bring me down anymore.

I have to find my ambition, find my passion, 

find the love I once had for life.

So I'm basically finished with my 

junior year of high school. What have

I accomplished? Little to nothing.

Now, I'm rushing to finish huge

semester projects, and counting down

the days until I have to make some big

decisions. 

So my manly man is leaving for AIT in less than a month. :(  I'm really sad to see him go.  We've been together nearly 10 months now and it's harder to see him leave than it was last year.  He'll be gone about 2 months which means...he won't be here for our one year anniversary.  I guess it seems a little trivial, but it still gets me down when I think about it.  I think I'm going to make a quilt for him while he's gone.  Right now I'm planning on a Log Cabin pattern in greys and blacks with a dark red center piece. Oh and I think I'll actually [my mother is doing the happy dance as she reads this] quilt by hand because it just seems more personal. 

So for my Closing Thought:

I have to make myself a happier person.

No one will do it for me.

Goals need to be recognized and accomplished,

not just made and ignored.

Today is my second chance to make things better.

Friday

• What is it about Friday? Most people spend there lives waiting on Friday and don't realize that they are wasting 6/7 of their lives. This Friday is important. Not for the same reasons it's important to the other eight colors day maids, but this Friday is important to me because it's my six month anniversary with my Mr.Jeffery.
• Today was pretty bland as far as school days go. It was almost as if I didn't go to school at all. Everything seems to fly by when it's all the same. Hopefully I'll get to rearrange my schedule tomorrow. The office didn't seem to get to my name today :[
  
• So I've taken on a new knitting project. [yes, I'm a knitter] My friend Olivia asked me if I would make a hat for her and in return said she would make me a scarf. Olivia is very nice and so for her I am taking on the process of making yet another beret. Hopefully after I finish I'll be able to post some pictures of the hat and all that snazzy stuff.
• I have a lot of reading to do as a few of my teachers have taken on this new attitude of "independent studies." I guess it's cool with me though because I have this strange love of text books and reading. I should actually probably be working on that instead of messing around on the internet but I figure I'll get it done sometime. :]
• I haven't really had a chance to read anymore on The Fountainhead and I'm severely disappointed in myself because of that. Normally it isn't that difficult for me to make time to read but I'm struggling a wee bit.

so i just decided

1. everyday I'm going to read at least five pages of something [other than magazines] that hasn't been assigned to me
2. I'm going to make it a priority to draw for at least five minutes everyday and really try to make something out of my art career
3. and I'm going to learn to cook [ i know very vague ]
   

Well I guess that sums up today.
Maybe I'll have more to contribute later.
Hasta Luego.