today, everything hurts

She looks into the mirror. A stranger blinks in reply. Who is that? Who could be standing in her mirror, in my mirror? I don't know where she went, that girl, that girl that smiled everyday. That girl that could take on everything. I don't remember where I lost her, but she's gone. Standing in her place, in my mirror, in front of me everyday as I perfect my eyeliner, is a stranger. A weakling afraid to ask for help. Broken, confused, and hurting, that stranger stands waiting.  She waits for the day that I recognize her. She waits for me to find the courage to see the truth.
She is me.
I am her.


I stand in front of my mirror, perfecting my eyeliner, plastering a fake smile on my face to make it out of my building. I stand there wondering, guessing, trying to remember where I went; where it was I left my strength, my courage, my integrity. I beg my memory to switch into overdrive.  I want to remember. I want to know how to find my way back.  I'd die to see that path illuminated, to have the faith in myself to find that beauty.  That gorgeous gorgeous young girl so full of life, so full of promise is waiting for me somewhere.  I know she is.  I know she's there lost and confused, wondering why I left her behind; wondering why I let someone else steal her from me.  She's there lost and confused, just as the stranger in my mirror is standing here, right in front of me broken, confused, and hurting.


They are one in the same, two parts of my soul; meant to be together. 


I leave the stranger in the mirror.
I think of the beauty waiting on my rescue.
I walk out of my room, a tattered being, nothing more than a human veil draped over fear.
As every other day, I venture to find myself again. I venture to find that beauty, some days one step closer, some days thrown back an immeasurable distance.